Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
