My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize