I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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