I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
