i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
