You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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