Pants 0. Shit 1.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
