shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
