The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
