i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
