just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
