Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
