let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
People in love make me want to vomit
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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