Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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