just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
