her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
