Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
