Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tornado booty call.. dedication
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
