Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
