I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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