Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
