somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize