I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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