It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
