She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
