all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
