Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
