sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
