I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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