I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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