Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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