you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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