Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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