Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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