fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
