so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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