Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize