Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
