His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize