The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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