try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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