drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
