I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
