Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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