I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
