this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
