Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
nutella sex= disaster
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
