You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
