is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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