he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
