I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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