Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
