Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
