I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
