Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
