Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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