I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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