At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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