using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
