i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
