i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
