When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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