Can i not drive my cunt home
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
