i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize