I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
