She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
