If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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