They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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