So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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