He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
