I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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